Deep within each of us lies in equal measure, a yearning for respect and admiration.  The irony is that sometimes this insatiable thirst for adulation leads us to engage in behavior that’s actually detrimental to the attainment of our goals.  Have you ever been at a social gathering and heard someone casually mention that last night he/she was hanging out with (insert vaguely impressive name here)?  Of course you have, and it’s likely driven you to the threshold of nausea and beyond!

            Name Dropping is as common a happening as breathing.  It’s an ubiquitous social technique, a seemingly vetted tool in the weaponry of the insecure.  But has there ever been an instance in which someone’s mention of their affiliation with an impressive person has made you think, “Oh, well then by association, I’m vastly impressed with you.”  No!  Name Dropping achieves nothing so much as the alienation of those who have the distinct displeasure having to listen to it.

            So why is it that Name Droppers seem so blissfully unaware of the nauseating nature of their habit?  Well, the truth is, deep down, even the worst of Name Droppers is at least tangentially aware that dropping names is no way to a person’s heart.  They know because, in the past, they’ve been made to listen to Name Dropping too.  But suddenly they get invited to a dinner wherein they spend fifteen minutes chatting it up with a B-List celebrity like Wilmer Valderrama, and all of a sudden they can’t shutup about it:

 

“Oh, last night Wilmer said the funniest thing!”

“Well, Wilmer doesn’t really think that the war in Iraq was such a smart idea.”

“Oh, I’d love to go, but I think I’m supposed to be hanging out with Wilmer tonight.”

 

            They instantly shape-shift into evil cogs saturated with delusions of second-tier celebrity status, driven wild by an overwhelming urge to tell everyone about their newfound celebrity friend!  They know that no one likes it, but they don’t care.  It’s like talking about how much sex you’ve had; sometimes you just can’t help yourself!

            Sadly, there’s no cure for this name-dropping epidemic.  It’s spread to the lymph nodes of society and all hope for recovery is lost.  All we can do is take counter-measures to make the offenses a little less offensive.  Name-droppers feed off the presence of others, like vampires, sucking the lifeblood from even the most formidable of listeners.   The only effective combative tactic is disinterest.  Ignore them, and they’ll receive no sustenance by which to continue.

            So the next time an acquaintance starts telling you about Wilmer Valderrama’s favorite kind of ice cream… walk away!  It’s the only effective way to deal with them.  And besides… Ashton Kutcher told me, that’s what he does. 

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